i gotta make my own mistakes, i gotta do whatever it takes, I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense, but sometimes insanity is my only defense. We are all mad and in contempt, to test the limits is the extent, but I’d rather figure it out too late than never at all and be ignorant to you or your state of mind, damnit even those with sight can be blind.

I am playing truth or dare with wench right now. Her Dare was that I post on tumblr, I was expecting something crazy, hope she realizes that these Dares can be cashed in at a later date and time of her choosing since I don’t have a webcam to have her actually see me do it

OH well. this is the first time posting in a long ass time. Its cool though I have lost a good amount of weight as of late. My mom yet again said she would pay me to loss weight. I don’t care about the money anymore though, it feels good to be slimming down and I wanna keep it up. Gotta work on the abs though, TORRES!!!

I’m done cleaning up after idiots who think they have their shit together or think that being a leader is just sitting and barking orders. Everyone thinks I walked away from the position, frankly, I never wanted to be it. I took it on because once again, I was cleaning up after some idiots. Trying not to care is proving more difficult than expected. All I want to do is take care of myself, get my scholarship back enjoy the things I have always wanted to do but never had the time. I have a few brothers that I would legitimately call brothers, the rest are just labeled so. Though I am tired of being on the O-team, I am still excited about the friends I have made, this year I have connected with the team much more. I didn’t realize it last year, but a lot of them saw me as an outcast. I guess I didn’t quite know who I was yet, so how could I expect them to see me for who I am and treat me that way. Senior year should be great, I have my O-team friends, my true brothers and a girl at my side, I should have no complaints. Just need to make sure I don’t look back at the mess I’m leaving behind.

Alright, so my plan to constantly update this blog on my status as far as weight loss goes has kind of gone to hell. Orientation has proved to be a lot more intense than I remember. I have made improvement, its not noticeable when looking at me, but i have gone down a notch on my belt. As of this past three days, i stopped eating bread and carb loaded stuff like pasta. I’ve been leaning more towards light meats fish and fruits and veggies. Little difficult to keep at this seeing as how I have to eat what the dining hall puts out.

Despite this I have made progress which is the point. I’m not dieting so much as changing my style of eating. I never want to be hungry like in some past diets, its just making better decisions. Still no idea of my actual weight, just figure i’ll by a scale when i get home.

Weight post number two. I have stayed pretty constant this week…a little too much junk food and such. Friday, although a blast definitely set me back because the majority of the food was rich, fried, or ice cream. But now orientation has begun and last year without even trying to I lost ten pounds. So i believe this year I could reach my summer goal. Course I don’t want to get too cocky, when it comes to weight loss, i’ve been known to fail. Things will get hectic in the next month but they will also be running on a regular schedule, should be good for me. 

My dog abby was put down today. Rather disappointing but I am actually okay with it. She was in such poor condition for the last six months that wherever she is, she is more comfortable and probably very happy. She will be missed very much. 

Alright, in the past three days i have done pretty well. All three days I have woken up, done a daily calisthenics routine, gone for a long walk and worked all day on various projects around the house. These ranged from sanding to painting, to detailing three different cars. I can definitely feel a spike in energy. I even managed to go to a one year old birthday party for my cousin and avoided all the bad party food there. Unfortunately, today I fell of the bandwagon on one of the things I gave up to lose weight. The temperature peaked around 92 today and after a long day stripping and painting benches for my mom, all I wanted was an ice cold beer, which I followed up with a JD and ginger. However, aside from this slight slip I have done pretty well so far and plan on really cracking down since I will be hitting up a clam shack and a frozen yogurt stand later this week with Emily. Thats it for now, still don’t have a scale so I couldn’t tell you my weight if I wanted to. Will keep you posted.

I have done two things poorly in these past few months. One - faithfully post on this blog, Two - Watch my weight. Because of this I have decided to combine the two. I have gotten myself into a little bit of a weight competition with a friend and must meet my total summer goal of 30lbs lost by the end of the summer and 10lbs by mid summer. For this I plan on eating well and working out whenever possible and keeping track of it on this blog in order to make me follow through and allow me to track my results. I will keep track of weight and shape via numbers from my scale and pictures that I will upload. Today is May 21st and tomorrow, the 22nd is the official start of my weight loss. This should be interesting. Peace out and wish me luck, hopefully i will win this competition.